I have an admission to make. Buoyed into action by 'The Artist's Way' by Julia Cameron, I entered a writing competition. I have been scribbling a lifetime and only recently would I consider my scrawls worthy of the term 'writing'. So to actually enter a competition was a big step for me. I now know that I can send my work on its way and even if no-one reads the words they are not just gathering dust on the shelf. I hovered over phrases, should I, could I, would I dare, what did I have to lose?. My self-esteem perhaps or opening myself up to ridicule.
I have lost nothing and gained everything.
But this is only in reflection and the passing of time.
The initial submission was rejected, or rather it was accepted and then nothing happened. It certainly didn't win or become shortlisted.The hard copy lay like an undigested meal near my writing desk. When the announcement date came and went, the paper words were put away in a folder. I made silent vows to myself.
Then a few months later another writing prompt came my way. I took the ingredients that I already had and reworked them and the new concoction became 'The Summer Collection of Sunflowers' and this was published in 'What the Dickens Magazine'. I shall never know what was wrong with the original piece and really now it does not matter. Perhaps it was the silence that was worse than the actual criticism because silence can be interpreted in many ways especially if one has an over active inner dialogue. But I do know that I have wasted time fretting, wondering, daydreaming and worrying.
I award myself flowers for I need them, or rather my garden says, 'We give them to you regardless. Year after year, you tend us, clear away the weeds and cut off the dead blooms. So rather like a story, you have pruned away the debris and worked hard to provide a beautiful place to be in. We reflect back your hard work with glorious flowers and arrangements that like words and sentences can be a perfect composition in the huge scheme of things'.
I lay on the path to take this photograph, at the most awkward angle. I wanted just flower and sky. Nothing else to date it or to place it.That is my lesson. Sometimes I need to put myself in a difficult place to see what happens. Events do not always turn out as I hope but if I do not try I will never know or develop. As I picked myself up and dusted myself off I realised that it is like life, I have to carry on, I cannot just give up. I now know that I need to look at things in a different way, from a different perspective, this is what gives life meaning, even if it is painful. So now it is back to reality and scribbling away in my own mind. I will just give myself a good talking to and find another pathway to lie down on.