A brilliant Christmas, a lifetime's journey to reach perfection.
When we were younger and idealistic without children, we imagined how it would be , how we would bring our children up and expose them to ideas and traditions and education. We thought we could form and mould them. But we were so wrong, they have shaped us. Humbly and with affection as the year fades out I am glad and pleased. Yes, we have educated them, but boy have they educated us. We have shared our passions and they have taken our world and expanded into horizons that did not even exist in our lifetime. They have leaped ahead in leaps and bounds and we sit on the sidelines and watch in silent admiration whilst they grasp at possibilities that we have never dared dream off let alone spoken off. They capture them and embrace them as if they are a natural progression. We become the 'Aged' one from Dickens 'Great Expectations'- deaf but present- not able to take part but there as as observers.
I had not expected time to pass so quickly. I thought the universe was my centre, but now I know it was only fleeting symbol. The shadows are waiting, the chair in the wings beckons and now I question why I was always happy to play the role as the understudy or the prompt. My children have surpassed what ever I have achieved, yes, it is brilliant, but also it underlines how much more I could have achieved if only I had pushed myself further.
So the sands of time shift and now instead of reading stories and creeping out of bedrooms after trying to help children sleep we go to bed first. We blow the candles out and leave instructions because we cannot quite let go, but we climb the stairs and leave the young to discuss issues and ideas into the night and the early hours.Responsibilities shift. We need our sleep otherwise we cannot function the next day, whilst the young need to formulate their ideas in the night without us, to become the people of tomorrow.
We sift through our memories and remember Christmas's past and this one has been a turning point in time. We leave the past behind and we move onto new eras with new central characters. There is a sense of incredible excitement and togetherness as we look forward and yet for us parents a sense of bitter sweet sadness.This is what we had always wanted. Bright offspring, hungry for knowledge and exploration and expression- this is their centre stage they can perform without fear.
We retire ..... to bed . Some of us to sleep, but some of us to write and think and muse. When I was younger I always thought it was strange that a married couple did not sleep together. I could never understand why couples would want to have separate beds. Now, I feel so blessed. We do not have individual bedrooms but we do have independent minds and a house of many rooms. So my husband has his room for Open University and I have our bedroom for us or for my sleepless nights and cluttered mind. Instinctively it happens that writing and restlessness coincide with sleeping patterns and I feel so lucky that our relationship is so intuitive. He sleeps and I sort and sift my thoughts and in the morning we continue....
Our future will become their past. Our present to each other, moments of promised events to be frozen in time.Theatre trips and days out suspended and gift wrapped in anticipation. Stored on a virtual bookshelf under the letter t for togetherness.
The cat Leo on borrowed time just enjoys the moment.